I CANNOT ALTER MY EGO IF YOU CANNOT DO IT TOO

as usual, this freaking feeling comes again at 3 am with suara's song constantly repeat on my laptop.
honestly, i cry every night before my eyes close properly and enter lala land.
i was and still having this kind of hope;

• to be with you until our heart stop beating,until the world stop spinning
• to love and be loved back
• nobody is important for us

nevertheless, i keep repeating to myself, that i cannot be with you

i am totally blur either to trust you or not

hell yeah my jealousy is too bad

i am sorry

i am to scared to lose you actually

you are still in my heart

to you

this might be the best

as i wont bother with your life anymore

but you know the consequences of this?

there will be a huge gap between us

that love no longer exist

until one day we ask each other 

"where the hell our love has gone?"

it is true

i cannot understand the presence of other girls in your life

but it is okay

i will let you do what ever you want

i deactivate my facebook

i did not call you, sms you

i did not ask ask ask and ask

i answer your call

i answer all your questions

is that better?

better right because i am following whatever you want

i do not want any fight

so

let it be like this

no more negotiation

i know the same thing will happen

AFTER ALL

IT IS MY MAJOR PROBLEM

i am sorry

i still love you and always love you